this is gonna be a short post, as i am terribly late today.... really terribly late... and i miss my sweet honey baby... i MISS her...
i just wanted to shout to the world, HAPPY ONE MONTH BIRTHDAY VALENTINA LEE CASTRO! you were very, very early to the party, but we are happily watching you grow bigger and stronger every day!
last night, when i left the hospital around 9:30 pm, miss vivi was calmly sleeping, all snuggled with her money blankey. her monitors were ringing for about 25 minutes, though the nurses assured me that she was fine, her sensor stickies weren't working, and that the monitors weren't reading anything because her diaper has no heartbeat, and that was what it was stuck to... so instead of leaving around 5:30 in the afternoon, i waited until 6pm diaper/ feeding/ vacuuming to make sure my little princess was ok....
after her nose and mouth were cleared out, her diaper changed twice (she likes to squirt once she has the new diaper on), and had her little oxygen hat readjusted, she was happy as can be. i was in a panic earlier in the afternoon, as she was RED from head to toe. turns out, she was HOT and agitated from being in the same position too long, which incidentally is her favorite, on her belly, with her arms and legs tucked in under her. i also got to see vivi's face with almost nothing on/ cover her. she typically has her oxygen nose mask, the gauze on the sides of her face for comfort, and then there is the feeding tube in her mouth (and the tape to hold it in) and the tape around her nose to help keep the oxygen mask in place. last night, for the first time, i got to see her precious face with only the feeding tube and oxygen tape. and maybe it was just my imagination (i dont think babies can really "see" quite yet anyway) but she was looking at me. really, really looking at me. she has a full head of blonde hair. its about 1 cm long, and it make me laugh to see it. it is normally hidden under her little hat. and her big eyes (which are blue right now) are definitely shaped like victor's eyes, i am convinced. she has this cute little nose which was a little mushed from the mask, her smushed ears (both will be fine, will "pop" out once she is no longer wearing the hat/ oxygen), and her mouth. it. is. huge. for just how tiny she is... and her tongue! who knew, that such tiny oddities could be so wondrous... i dont know who's chin she has, but she definitely has my bottom lip... it sticks out a mile right before she cries... i have heard, this is my trait... ahhem.......... and she has my long capacity... she may be tiny, but she can bite the hell out of the vacuum tube (doesn't like it... pinches her mouth closed and bites the tube when it is in her mouth) and her scream is so loud for her size it makes you laugh... and then i feel terrible that my baby is crying.... but once its all over, she is STABLE, and calm and sleeps deeply. which means, she is growing, the real goal here...
two days ago, vivi was 980 grams... yesterday, they did not weigh her... i am anticipating a weight loss, as a result of the medications, etc... but maybe. just maybe, for our one month birthday, we will be at 1000 grams... wish us luck.
and paying homage to mama's struggle... the photos of the day.... my poor, innocent, bystander-victim belly...
in the first 5 months of pregnancy, i gained 3 kilos. which is awesome. 6.6 lbs. i had a few lbs. on me, left over from the "fat and happy" honeymoon, so my weight was i think somewhere in the mid-130 range, maybe a little bit more? when i went in for my check up in april, i gained 5 kilos in ONE month... 11 lbs. not really sure WHERE it went, maybe my ass?? :/
now that most of the swelling is gone, i see where the weight was. right up front. and in the next 4 weeks, i will be cleared for exercise. and it is ON. i dont remember if i wrote about this at all, yet.... but as a direct result of this pregnancy/ traumatic birth experience, i want to dedicate the next year of my life to getting into the best shape of my life. as i celebrated my 24th birthday again, i realized that i have a big birthday milestone coming up next year, and i know i just had a baby, a major surgery, etc... but i dont want this body to stay this way... in fact.. i want to change my body, my mental health, my eating habits, my way of life, not just for vanity's sake... (i shamelessly admit i like to look and feel good about myself... nothing wrong with that, no?!) for valentina's sake... i want my little girl to see how happy healthy women take care of themselves. and i am presently, not the best example. so i figure, she won't mind if i use this opportunity to really begin another new path, along with parenthood.
one of these days, i will be posting my stats. weight. measurements. and running/ exercise recordings. (please everyone: hold me accountable.) right now, i am too nervous to step on the scale.... but i've see me from the back.. OMG NOT OK... but i am calmly telling myself that it is ok, we will be in better shape at 30 than we will be at 20. and i am excited for that. and motivated. and while at 18, graduating high school at a 99 lbs, college at 22 years, 107 lbs... i think that for my 30th birthday, i can be happy at 115- 120. i am guessing i have about 25 lbs to lose.... i have 11.5 months to go... i think it can be done... :D
ok ok ok... now... for your viewing pleasure... and my personal motivation... the post-c-section belly... i think they took her out sideways... i think the scar is HUGE... i take solace in the fact that my baby is going to be just fine, and Hanky Panky underwear cover the scar, no problem. *sigh*
|to be used as future parental evidence of "why you have to listen to your mother." look what you DID to yr mama!!!|
ps. those dots are the scars from the staples... can we say cocoa butter, anyone??!!!
|*sigh* 11.5 months from now, i will show you my rad flat tummy. |
but probably sooner... :D
and mama is off to the hospital... cant wait to see our birthday girl!! <3