Pumping. Pumping. Pumping.

Seeing that I have been attached to a breast pump for the last 64 days, I thought I should write a post about it, as I frequently complain about how its "Time to pump.  Again."  This isn't graphic, just honest.  

WARNING:  I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT MY BOOBS.  AND NIPPLES.  IF THAT IS TOO MUCH INFO FOR YOU, JUST SKIP TO THE NEXT POST WITH PHOTOS OF SWEET BABY!

Valentina was born 66 days ago, and I didn't start pumping until about two days after, as I was in recovery for a day, and was a basket-case and totally out of it the following day...  I am estimating I started pumping two days after she was born, but my *Official Records* start May 13th.

So I missed out on most of pregnancy.  Or at least the parts that really count.  The big belly.  The kicks.  Peeing 19234098345 times a day.  The popped bellybutton.  The pickles and ice cream cravings.  Being super hot.  Oh.  And giving birth.  I didn't get to experience any of that.  I am determined to breast feed.  No. Matter. What.

So, I have spent the last 64 days squeezing my boobs.  Obsessing about boobs.  Writing down every last drop.  Chugging water.  Vitamins.  Sterilizing.  It is recommended that you pump every two hours.  Or three hours.  Or four hours.  The MAX is five hours.  Naturally, as this felt like THE ONLY thing in the UNIVERSE I could do for Valentina (especially in those first few weeks when I was hysterical ALL the time), I took on this endeavor with such obsessive precision that I must first apologize to ALL family and friends who have breasts, children, know anyone who has children and/ or breasts.  I AM SORRY.  THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE. . . 

So here is what I have learned...   

(Keep in mind that I have not yet breast-fed my baby, as she is still too small, but hopefully in the next week we will start!!!  This is just my personal experiences in the last two months.)

• It really won't hurt after the first few days.  
• If milk is still coming out, keep pumping.  I have pumped for an hour straight in the first few weeks (and after!) and while my butt hurt from sitting so long, my breasts no longer felt heavy, hard and sore.  And they leak.  After a good pump, I don't have any leaking.  
• I can tell time by my boobs.  All of a sudden, I get a .05 second PING! of "pain" right in the center of my nipples.  I look at my watch, and sure enough, it is time to pump.  Again.  And then the alarm on my phone goes off.  I can truly tell time with my cans.... HA!!!  I say "pain" as it isn't experienced long enough to call pain, but its definitely a PING!

When I was still in the hospital, I was using the Medela Symphony hospital grade pump.  I would use the sterilized kits provided from the hospital and the sterilized glass bottle.  If I had endless $$, I would spend the $1,500 on the hospital grade Medela pump.  It is epic.

Medela Symphony Hospital Grade Breast Pump.
If you have a preemie in the hospital, or if you will be a working/ pumping mama
GET THIS.  It is worth every penny.  

• The first few days, you may not get ANYTHING!  I was thrilled when I had my first little drips of milk, called colostrum.  After just one week, I was pumping more than 100 ml of milk.
• The first milk is the most IMPORTANT LIQUID GOLD!  (Read the link above!)  

My colostrum was nice and thick, like cream.  It was actually a nice pale yellow,which is great!  But there are some Mamas who's colostrum is almost orange.  WOAH.  That shizzah is like. WOAH. (Maybe their babies were full-term?  I felt very competitive about my milk not being GOLD enough. HAha)

• In the hospital, I pumped each breast for 20 minutes, every two to three hours.  
• Now that I am home, I TRY to pump each breast 20- 30 minutes, every three to four hours, depending on what's going on in life.    
• If you don't pump often enough, you will be in PAIN.  Or you will ruin your favorite shirt.  And your bed sheets.  And all of your pajamas.  
• Even if your baby is in the NICU and is too little to drink any/ all of your milk, SAVE it.  FREEZE IT.  DON'T DUMP IT.  

Especially the first two weeks milk!  This is the liquid gold for your baby, with endless health benefits that only you and your body can provide.  I see Mamas that the NICU parents' room disappear behind the screen to sit and pump.  It feels like they are there for 10 minutes (total) and come out with two baby bottles (about 200 ML) FULL of milk.  And I am there an hour, only to produce two little drips of milk...    

• I think I have a slow milk- letdown reflex.   I've learned, I just have to deal with it.  

 I've read that if you look at photos of your baby, smell baby's shirt, blanket, etc., it can help "teach" you to start milk-squirting sooner.  Especially in the beginning, if I pumped for 10 minutes per breast, I would have little nothing drips, not even my super-tiny-precious-preemie could squeeze some nutrition out of it.  Say, less than 10mL.  If I pumped for 20 minutes, I get a good amount, say 20- 40 mL.  If I pumped for 30 minutes, then I'd get 50 mL!  I didn't have anything Valentina-scented to sniff in the beginning (this made me cry), as she was still to tiny to wear clothes.  The photos of her the first few weeks were painful, not endearing.  No amount of meditation could calm my stress as I was begging the heavens for my baby's survival, let enjoy a moment of peace in which I could produce oodles of  milky goodness.... Give me a break.  I have accepted it.

Maybe when I am breastfeeding with my Vivi attached to said breast (and not my friend, The Pump) it will be different.  I will have to get back to you on this one...  But for now, I know I need MINIMUM of 20 minutes per breast, thus the biggest reason why I bought a second Medela Swing.  I tuck them into my maternity bra, kinda hang the shirt over the top for stability and hold with my left arm, while I attempt to Facebook one-handed.  I bought one of those double-pump bras, but it was too big, so I have to return it.  It technically worked, but it was really giant on me, practically slipping off.  If it fit properly, I would say HELL YEAH.  I may or may not buy another one, in the correct size.  If Vivi starts breastfeeding in the next week I probably won't get another.  But if you think you will be pumping as often as I have been, I recommend that you DEFINITELY buy a second pump and the double pump bra.  You will feel like a cow, and I often MOO to my hubby as a joke... But it will be a life-saver.  And a sanity- saver.  I was so tired one morning that I just whipped out my boobs to pump in front of my cleaning lady.  In hindsight, I really, really wish I had that double pump bra that day...              

Oh yes, here I am, double- pumping, reading a magazine and enjoying my coffee.

Two free hands to blog & Facebook chat!

How I really feel.

MoooOOooOooOooo.........

   

After I got out of the hospital, I didn't have a pump yet.  My sister-in-law Carmen came to my rescue.  Twice.  The day I got out of the hospital, she brought me three different pumps, though none were as lovely and luxurious as the Medela Symphony...  (The hospital grade vs. the home grade really aren't on the same sphere of comparison... BUT more on this in a bit...)  So, we went to the mall and found the next best thing, as my other sister-in-law Ana Filipa recommended, the Medela Swing.  I now have two...  

Medela Swing Home Breast Pump.
I love mine so much, I got two, to save time, and
"just in case."
Also worth-every-penny.
On both.

You will also need:

• Milk bags.
• Sterilizing bags.
• A sharpie.
• A notebook to write it all down.
• A subscription to Netflix, Hulu, etc.
• Batteries/ car charger for your pump.  Traffic happens, and your boobies will thank you. 
• A very comfortable chair.  (HA!) 
• Snacks.  And endless bottles of water.
• Digital timer.  I say digital, as every second that ticks by, you wanna know...
• Books.  Lots and lots of books.  
• Ziplock bags, for your supply in the freezer.
• Those blue freezer cold pack things for transporting your frozen Mamamilk to the hospital.
• Cold lunchbox, also for traveling to hospital.  

Because I am obsessive, I have a little try for my pump parts to cool/ air dry, after they have sterilized.  I also have a separate sponge to wash with, though I wish I had thought of it sooner than two weeks ago....  After over 6 weeks of using a regular (you know, relatively new) dish sponge, I thought to use a brand new one, JUST for baby.  I guess I am not that obsessed... Or just not that quick thinking..... ?

Medela Pump & Save milk bags.
THEY COME IN 50 packs?!!!
I can only find 20 bags here!!!
BUY in bulk.
Yes you will need ALL of them if you are a pumping mama.

Medela Sterilize Bags.  Five per box, 20 uses each.
Also, can't live without these.  

What else have I learned...

• Get on a schedule, and don't let ANYONE for any reason change it.  I got into a fight with Victor (dear sweet man, bless his heart for loving me...) because I was allowing myself to get off schedule.
• You NEED to sleep.  You NEED to eat.  You NEED to pump.  Don't feel guilty for letting anyone or anything get in the way of this.  This is really important.  Just as no one begrudges a pregnant lady for needing any of these things, you are making milk for your preemie.  I think more than ever, these basic Mama-Needs are even more important!  
• I pump at:  1:30 AM, 7:30 AM, 10:30 AM, 1:30 PM, 4:30 PM, 7:30 PM, 10:30 PM.  

I know I am not supposed to from 1:30 - 7:30 without pumping, but I just can't do it.  I cannot function without that bit of sleep.  It is not recommended going this long without pumping, but this is what I have found works for me.  If I don't get this chunk of sleep, then I am non-functional and NOTHING gets done.  And because I cannot wake myself up at 1:30 AM, I usually stay up...  That is when I watch ABC family shows on Hulu.  I am embarrassed about this...  I watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager at 2 AM.  (I hang my head in shame.) HAhAhha!!!!

Moving right along... What else do you need to know.

• Don't lay down and pump.  You will fall asleep.  At 2 PM.  Or 2 AM.  You WILL fall asleep.  You will spill your hard earned milk.  You WILL ruin your pump this way, too.
• Get on a schedule IMMEDIATELY.  It just makes things easier on you.  And your partner.... 
• Don't obsess the way I did about sterilizing.  If you sterilize your pump parts, and don't use them  in the next 20 seconds, YOUR BABY WILL BE FINE.  I was scalding my fingers as I was so paranoid about sterilization... It's OK to relax.  Keep it clean, but don't hurt yourself...  (I really wish someone had told me this in the first place...)
• After each use, I wash all parts with hot water, my Baby Only sponge, and regular dish soap.  Then I sterilize in the Medela microwave bags, then I lay out on my clean plate to air dry.  

I guess these parts are technically sterile after they air dry for two hours until the next pumping session, but after I blew the motor of one pump, spoke to Medela, etc, I realized what the issue was:  me.  Again, this is what works for me... I am no doctor, nurse, representative for Medela, etc...

• Sterilize your pump tubes once a day.  I do it after my 1:30 AM pumping session, to give them a few hours to finish drying.  

Condensation will build up inside the pump tube.  If this harmless water gets sucked into your pump, IT WILL BE RUINED.  Or at minimum, it will never work the same... The lowest settings (for those sensitive nippies, especially in the first days) will never be the same...  BE CAREFUL!

• Write it all down.  

I cannot stress this enough.  It will become a source of pride, to see how little you pumped in the beginning, and to how great you are a month later.  I also take notes like "BAD!"  When I went too long not pumping, how much water I drink (about 2 L a day... should be three!!), things like that.  If I could do it all over again, I would leave more space each day to write daily notes.  

I read in one of my preemie books that 10 days after birth, you should be producing about 600 ml of milk each day.  When I read that about a month ago, I PANICKED.  Not that sweet baby Valentina is consuming anywhere near that quite yet, the fact that I was only producing 150- 200 ml a day at that point, I really felt like I wasn't doing enough.  And I know that I wasn't really committing myself as much as I could be.  At that point (early June), I was pumping 4 to 5 times a day, sometimes 6.  That's kinda a lie... Maybe once a week I pumped 6 times a day... Now, looking at my Milk Journal, I can say I DEFINITELY pump 5 to 6 times a day, though my goal for next week is to be able to say I pump 6 to 7 times a week and drink 2- 2.5 liters of water a day.  That is two and a half Nalgenes a day.  That is a lot of bathroom trips. 

As a result of my super-efforts, I am now producing about 450 ml of milk a day!  

• Drink the water.  Don't "sorta" drink the recommended 3L of water.  Do it. I am drinking about 2L a day.  If I drink less, I can actually see the numbers of precious milliliters of milk decrease.
• Take your vitamins. 
• Milk supplements?  I am taking Promil twice a day.  More about this in future posts.

Promil Milk Supplement
This is the one that was recommended to me by the NICU
I kinda like the taste too...

My parting thoughts:  Pumping for a preemie still in the hospital will feel like it is taking over your life.  I have mountains of laundry to do.  I am exhausted.  I am hungry ALL the time.  I get super grouchy.  When I pump the scheduled two to three times when I am at the hospital in the 7 to 8 hours I average there a day, I am taking away 1.5 hours of BaBy TiME.  There are days when I feel like I didn't get to see Valentina at the hospital, because I spent the whole time pumping.  (This probably isn't true, but it feels that way.)  And there are definitely days where I feel jealous of Victor, as he gets to Kangaroo hold baby, while I have to go pump.  Again.  

And it's not just 20 minutes pump and go!  You have to set up, pump, record, clean, put away.  Then you will have to pee, stretch, eat and chug more water.  Pumping for 20 minutes is about a 30 to 40 minute production.  I need to time each hour of my life.  I still haven't gotten that mani/ pedi.  Poor Victor hasn't had too many home cooked meals... though things are FINALLY balancing out better these days.  Two days ago, I even baked for the first time in THREE MONTHS!!!  (Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread recipe later!)  I won't even GO into my lack-of-exercise- schedule...  But I AM signing up for a half marathon at the end of September, so  Monday morning:  IT IS ON.  

I am so unreliably proud of myself that I have stuck with it.  There are still times when I look at my watch, or hear my phone alarm go off, "it's time to pump.  Again."  And I start to cry.  (Sniffle, moan, grown, tear up a little, etc...)  It can be really, truly frustrating, that it is time to pump.  Again.   I f I start to cry at pump time, it's mostly just because I want sympathy and loving acknowledgement and encouragement from Vic.  And he gives me my much needed/ deserved hugs & kisses, and I go off to my "office" to pump, satisfied.  And sometimes, he brings me ice cream. (Extra husband points for this.)    

Pump parts.  *sigh.*

This is driving me crazy that this photo is sideways... 
But I write down the TIME that correlates to each time I use the sterilizing bag, that way, in case if
I forget to mark off the number at 2 AM, its a-OK.  And it helps keep track of how often I 
sterilize the pumping tubes.  

Pumping.  It takes over your life AND your kitchen. 

The baby cupboard.  

This is where I spend A LOT of time.......

And here is some notes from my Milk Diary... I can't believe I just called it that.... HAhhahah 

It really wasn't an option for me, to quit.  Not once did I think that I didn't want to do this anymore, that I should have just gone with formula etc.  There has been no "damage" to my breasts so far, no sagging, etc.  I obsessively put Mustela booby cream on, and I use about four different lotions post-shower (also takes up LOTS of time) but it is worth it.  Plus, I told Vic right from the start... I hope to breast feed all of our babies.  And once we are done having kids, for my (approximate) 40th birthday, I would like the best boob-job money can buy.  Just to put everything back where God intended.  That way we are BOTH happy.  (If it is necessary, of course... ) HA!!

Having a huge support system (and an incredible husband) is really important.  I have constantly reached out to family and friends about pumping, breastfeeding etc on numerous occasions, and while everyone pretty much says something different, all you can do is factor it all in, and slowly but surely, figure out what works for you.  I have actually pumped TWICE since I started this post, and I am FAMISHED and LATE to run off to the hospital today, so I must RUN.

One last little photo of baby last night, before I left... Oh how I am in love!! <3

Just after a HUGE diaper change, she was waiting for her milk... Not too thrilled...

    

All snuggled in for the night.... <3 <3 <3          

Oh sweet Valentina Lee...

*grow.baby.grow.*

      

12 July

1700 grams!!!! 3 lbs 11 oz!!!!

11 july

Oh how we love to stretch and groan and sigh!! Weighing in today at 1650 grams (3 lbs 10 oz), sweet little Vivi Lee is starting to get little chubby rolls! She still seems so tiny to me, but we are nearing our "due date" (29 july!) and in these next few weeks we will see some super weight gain. I've already mentioned that we are almost ready to bottle and breast feed, and then we're home free!! Today, baby's hemoglobin is still low and this afternoon, she will have that blood transfusion that we've been avoiding. I am so much more calm about this sort of thing these days, that's for sure! After the transfusion Valentina will have so much more energy, especially to begin eating on her own!!

I am so grateful to all of our doctors and nurses, for taking care of our tiny princess... And for putting up with me...

Time to pump... Again...

*grow.baby.grow.*

happy two months vivi lee!

So now that I can post directly from the hospital room to Facebook, I neglected to post this on the blog... BUT seeing that I have an app for Blogger....  I really need to keep things updated...  

Sweet baby Valentina celebrated her two month birthday on Sunday, July 8th!  As of Friday afternoon, she has been breathing on her own with no oxygen assistance and no problems!! (OMG lets keep our fingers crossed that I didn't just jinx it......) Her weight is steadily increasing and things are going spectacularly!  Baby is now eating via feeding tube 8 times a day which is the maximum for a feeding tube.  (Or something along those lines).  Right around the corner is breast/ bottle feeding!! And after that... we are finally headed home!  Victor Castro:  YOU REALLY need to finish painting the nursery.... Jacqui Castro:  YOU REALLY need to finish the 600 baby-DIY projects you have started/ and are hoarding around the house.....  

Baby's weight is now 3 lbs 5 oz!!!  We are headed to Intermediate Care as soon as a crib opens up!!! YESS!!!!!  GO BABY GO!!!!!

I hear the dryer buzzing and we are late for the hospital... More tomorrow!!

Here is a massive photodump for your viewing pleasure!!

*grow.baby.grow.* <3

thank you phil!

so after several harassing emails, my dear friend phil (of castaways! fame) helped me with a little revamp of our blog layout.  i am a total HTML moron (is that still what its called?) and he made is our cute little *grow baby grow* banner- complete with a little skully! and here we are!  as i am very technologically challenged, i just had to say a nice big THANK YOU!!! for letting me be a P.I.T.A. and helping me out... in a few months i have a feeling he will wanna slap me, as i have some NEW ideas for format, but we will get to that later........  :D

THANK YOU UNCLE PHIL!!!
<3 valentina.

hehe im a dirty mouth girl <3 

friday, july 6th 2012: mama's free day!

is it POSSIBLE?  i may FINALLY get the first mani/pedi of summer?!!!

bianca is off to summer camp for the day & then to her mother's for the weekend.

victor is on a plane to france to do sound for a concert. (home tomorrow afternoon)

even zulu is going with grandpa manel to the vet for vaccines in preparation for her trip to grandma patti's "farm."  (zulu will be moving to new york for the next few months...  i feel so bad for the pup... 4 months old, and we are never home to play, walk, run, and train her... and with three four-legged "cousins" at my parents house to play with, not to mention hour-long runs at rockefeller state park every morning..  and sleeping under the covers in my parents bed with the rest of the gang... im sure if she could speak, she would be mad that she is still here right now... HA!!)

so... its just me.

and i've already pumped enough milk for sweet baby vivi yesterday at the hospital, that i dont have to be there until later this afternoon.  

i have NO responsibilities today.  o.m.g.

that means, my day will look like something like this.  (with luck.)

9 AM:  first post-baby workout.  im looking to do one hour, but maybe we should just commit to 30 minutes, anticipating that i don't fall off the elliptical and die.  HAHAha

10 AM:  shower, eat, dress

1030 AM:  pump

11 AM:  post office, pay bills at ATM (portugal RULES)

1130 AM:  go to bathroom/ kitchen store.  this may or may not be a big drama.  i presently have giant glass shower doors sitting in my living room laying on my living room floor, as they are about 12 inches too TALL.  (we have a slanted ceiling in the bathroom, on one side.  great for the skylight, bad for the shower doors)  i have been trying to finish this bathroom's "renovation" for about 2 months now.  it was supposed to be a surprise for victor, but that is so long-gone of an idea, its not even funny any more... *sigh* so they have to come BACK to my house, pick up the thing, i need to reorder the CORRECT size (and color.. omg...) and then return the delivery.  and THEN i need to have it installed by someone else, as they dont do the work, just order the stuff.  uGHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

12 PM  almada forum (kind of like the westchester mall, in white plains.  its about 20 minutes from my house here.)  i can grab a frappaccino at starbucks and get my first manicure/ pedicure of summer.  i am SO excited for this to FINALLY happen.  my fingernails are not too shabby, as every day they are inside the incubator and i am crazy about germs and the baby... so i have been really phenomenally well behaved about not biting my nails.  (life long struggle solved by weekly manicures.  its expensive to not bite, but worth it.)  i am desperate for a pedicure though.... as i am truly ashamed of my feet right now!  i really, truly miss my best buddies at paradise nails, in millwood new york.  they. work. miracles.  (victor will attest to this: about two years ago i FORCED him into a super-manly pedicure.  haha.  after 33 years of converse sneakers, his poor pups needed some serious attention. (which by the way, were an entire size too tight, until his darling wife noticed and also forced him to try a large size sneaker... ((HOW do we survive before we meet our matches??!)) 

then grab lunch. and head to the hospital.

i technically have to pump again at 1:30 PM, so if all goes according to plan, i will be at the hospital pumping then.  BUT... as i know myself and the way things go, i will be about an hour late to the hospital, and to pump.  and thats ok, as long as i stick to a super tight schedule of pumping in the afternoon.  

2 PM arrive hospital, say hi to sweet little baby and pump immediately.

3-4 PM:  staff shift change, parents must wait in the waiting room.  (i am always ill-timed with this... i will be pumping when i can see baby, and free to see baby during shift change... *sigh*)

430 PM:  pump

6 PM:  baby belly massage, diaper change, kangaroo time <3

730 PM:  pump

10 PM:  diaper change/ getting ready for shift change.  this is when ill head home...

1030PM:  pump.  again.

11 PM:  water plants, walk dog.  inhale leftover baked zitti.  (i planned ahead!!!!)

1130 PM:  bed.

130 AM:  (try to) wake up.  pump.

430 AM:  (try to) wake up, pump.

730 AM:  pump.

8 AM:  use giant zucchini from next door neighbor's garden to make my first zucchini bread.  

seeing that it is already 9:15 AM and i am still in my pjs eating cereal and yogurt, TALKING about my day, clearly i am NOT off to a good start.... i WILL workout TODAY.  just thought id give you a little bit of a "day in the life of.... on those rare days that i have "no responsibilities" to anyone but me...  i've had several of these days in the last month or so, where i got really really close to a mani/pedi.  as that is truly the goal... but the "me time" always gets sacrificed...  my poor feet are proof.... HAHha

ok ok ok off i go.  

photos of sweet baby coming tomorrow (as i am clearly late with my schedule today... )

yesterday, valentina was 1440 grams...  3 lbs. 2 oz. oh, oh, oh!!!  sweet baby!!!

hEhehehehehe i just love when daddy holds me <3

*grow baby grow* oh oh oh.... <3 <3 <3 

 

July 3rd- 8 weeks old!

It is hard to believe it has been 8 weeks since Valentina was born... Time feels entirely suspended lately and while I feel so entirely exhausted all. the. time... I feel so calm and almost peaceful here at the hospital, watching my little girl grow bigger and stronger and healthier every day.

And she's pretty!! Of course I am so entirely biased, but Vivi-Boom-Boom now looks like a real baby these days, and her photos don't do her justice... She already has a killer personality budding, throwing pint sized tantrums when the nurses are late with her milk... Yesterday evening when I was diaper changing, she was gassy and started to fuss. Then she let out this huge (proportionally speaking) cry, and a nurse 5 babies away asked, "Is that VALENTINA?!" I massaged her tiny tummy and once her feeding tube was pumping that oh- so- sweet mama- milk, she was happy as a clam. Of course she was wide awake and I was super late to leave and risk epic Lisboa traffic .... But my baby was happy and ready to play...

8 weeks old and 1390 grams! That's 3 lbs 1 oz!!

Oh oh oh sweet baby!
Grow honey grow!!

(not our finest photo, but she is as snug as a bug in a rug!!!)